You want weapons? We're in a library! Books! The best weapons in the world!

Fascinatingly confident, rude people are great.

There’s this issue you’re not allowed to discuss: that women are needy. Men can go for longer, more happily, without women. That’s the truth. We don’t, as little boys, play at being married - we try to avoid it for as long as possible. Meanwhile women are out there hunting for husbands.

Between the marriages, I shagged my way round television studios like a mechanical digger.

The Doctor...is embarrassingly human for an alien.

Always take a banana to a party.

Have you met the French? My...GOD they know how to party!