Never knowingly be serious. Rule 27.

Amy: I never knew you drank wine. Doctor: I'm 1103 I must have drunk it sometime in my life. *takes sip and spits it out in disgust*

My problem is that the audience is more fiction-literate than ever. In Shakespeare's day, you probably expected to see a play once or twice in your life; today you experience four or five different kinds of fiction every day. So staying ahead of the audience is impossible.

Always take a banana to a party.

Amy: I had something I wanted to tell him. Stuff always gets in the way. Canton: Stuff does that.

Come on, Rory! It isn't rocket science, it's just quantum physics! -The Doctor (Matt Smith)

River Song: Right, I have questions. But number one is this: what in the name of sanity have you got on your head? The Doctor: It's a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezzes are cool.