I never thought I'd have to give you-a former Sunday School teacher-a lecture on ethics." "Former Sunday School teachers don't go around without their underwear." "You show me where it says that in the Bible.

Fear goes hand-in-hand with artistic creation, and no amount of success will make the fear go away entirely.

Hey, everybody, Jerry Maguire's here.

What are you gonna do, angel face? Stab me with your eyebrow pencil?

Now, this is where I draw the line! It's bad enough everybody in town's going to be thinkin' I'm sleeping with a depressed, lice-ridden, hemorrhoidal foreigner who likes to be tied up and might be pregnant, although-since she's just about cornered the market on condoms-I don't know how that could have happened. But I will not-you listen to me, Emma!-I absolutely will not have anybody thinkin' a woman of mine needs a vaginal moisturizer, do you hear me?

I hate to admit this, but some days hearing about other people's problems actually cheers me up.

Mummy’s coming home late tonight. It’ll be just we guys, so we can get drunk and watch porn.