I am overcome by a feeling of complete detachment. I am a mere object to these people. I am barely human any more.

But I don't want to be fine, not if it means she's going to let go of my hand; not if it means we're going to go back to being polite strangers.

Willa’s big blue eyes, Willa’s dimpled-cheeked smile. Tiffin’s shaggy blond mane, Tiffin’s cheeky grin. Kit’s yells of excitement, Kit’s glow of pride. Maya’s face, Maya’s kisses, Maya’s love. Maya, Maya, Maya . . .

Otherwise I'll fall apart. I'm going to fall apart. I am falling apart.

Get through today – you can fall apart tomorrow. Get through tomorrow, you can fall apart the day after . . .

This is the definition of happiness: a whole day stretching out ahead of me, beautiful in its emptiness and simplicity.

Trying to describe my life and feelings to you is like trying to describe coulours to the blind, or music to the deaf. It's simply not possible.