See a pin and pick it up, and, all day long, you'll have a pin.

William: "I'm sure we can all pull together, sir." Vetinari: "Oh, I do hope not. Pulling together is the aim of despotism and tyranny. Free men pull in all kinds of directions.

Christ managed to boil down an awful lot of commandments to a few very simple rules for living. It's when you go backwards through the 'begats' and the Garden of Eden, and you start thinking, 'Hang on, that's a big punishment for eating one lousy apple... There's a human-rights issue.'

Truth! Freedom! Justice! And a hard-boiled egg!

It’s quite easy to accidentally overhear people talking downstairs if you hold an upturned glass to the floorboards and accidentally put your ear to it.

I'd rather be a rising ape than a falling angel.

It was amazing how many friends you could make by being bad at things, provided you were bad enough to be funny.