Don't do anything I wouldn't do, if you ever find anything I wouldn't do.

Using a metaphor in front of a man as unimaginative as Ridcully was like a red flag to a bu... was like putting something very annoying in front of someone who was annoyed by it.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

It was all very well going on about pure logic and how the universe was ruled by logic and the harmony of numbers, but the plain fact of the matter was that the Disc was manifestly traversing space on the back of a giant turtle and the gods had a habit of going round to atheists' houses and smashing their windows.

Sometimes it is better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness.

Whole new theories of money were growing here like mushrooms: in the dark and based on bullshit.

Always remember that the crowd that applauds your coronation is the same crowd that will applaud your beheading. People like a show.