He was certain he was anorectic, because every time he looked in a mirror he saw a fat man. It was the Archchancellor, standing behind him and shouting at him.

Smaller-than-Medium-Jock-but-bigger-than-Wee-Jock-Jock

I would advise budding writers some other kind of job, unless they think they're very, very lucky.

Some people think this is paranoia, but it isn't. Paranoids only think everyone is out to get them. Wizards know it.

Oh, where are my manners? Do sit down. Pull up a small child.

"God does not play games with His loyal servants," said the Metatron, but in a worried tone of voice. "Whooo-eee," said Crowley. "Where have you been?"

Personally, I think the best motto for an educational establishment is: 'Or Would You Rather Be a Mule?'