Cats don't hunt seals. They would if they knew what they were and where to find them. But they don't, so that's all right.

A number of religions in Ankh-Morpork still practiced human sacrifice, except that they didn't really need to practice any more because they had got so good at it.

I think you should be proud of not being worse than just deeply introverted and socially maladjusted.

He hated games they made the world look too simple. Chess, in particular, had always annoyed him. It was the dumb way the pawns went off and slaughtered their fellow pawns while the king lounged about doing nothing. If only the pawns would've united ... the whole board could've been a republic in about a dozen moves.

I'd rather be a rising ape than a falling angel.

Whole new theories of money were growing here like mushrooms: in the dark and based on bullshit.

I'm fairy godmothering a girl who sounds like something you put up in the rain.