Ordinary fortune-tellers tell you what you want to happen; witches tell you what’s going to happen whether you want it to or not. Strangely enough, witches tend to be more accurate but less popular.

I staggered into a Manchester bar late one night on a tour and the waitress said "You look as if you need a Screaming Orgasm". At the time this was the last thing on my mind.

You can't kill me, I've got a magic... AAAARGH !

I would not like it thought that I do not buy my own paperclips, sir. I enjoy owning my own paperclips. It means they are mine.

Young man, the games we play are lessons we learn. The assumptions we make, things we ignore, and things we change make us what we become.

And what had he wanted? He'd never sat down to think about it. But mostly, he wanted yesterday to be different from today.

It's a terrible thing for a man when his woman gangs up on him wi' a toad