Some people think this is paranoia, but it isn't. Paranoids only think everyone is out to get them. Wizards know it.

I tell you, commander, it's true that some of the most terrible things in the world are done by people who think, genuinely think, that they're doing it for the best, especially if there is some god involved.

Stand before your god, bow before your king, kneel before your man.

When people say things are a lot more complicated than that, they means they're getting worried that they won't like the truth.

I was merely endeavoring to indicate that if we do not grab events by the collar they will have us by the throat. -Lord Vetinari

Ninety percent of true love is acute, ear-burning embarrassment.

Because no man wants to be a coward in front of a cheese.