If you don't turn your life into a story, you just become a part of someone else's story.

It was nice to hear the voices of little children at play, provided you took care to be far enough away not to hear what they were actually saying.

When a man is tired of Ankh-Morpork, he is tired of ankle-deep slurry.

You can't make people happy by law. If you said to a bunch of average people two hundred years ago "Would you be happy in a world where medical care is widely available, houses are clean, the world's music and sights and foods can be brought into your home at small cost, traveling even 100 miles is easy, childbirth is generally not fatal to mother or child, you don't have to die of dental abscesses and you don't have to do what the squire tells you" they'd think you were talking about the New Jerusalem and say "yes."

Insanity is catching.

People were stupid, sometimes. They thought the Library was a dangerous place because of all the magical books, which was true enough, but what made it really one of the most dangerous places there could ever be was the simple fact that it was a library.

Money doesn't buy happiness, Gytha." "I only wanted to rent it for a few weeks!