Mr Lipwig, there's a lady in the hall to see you and we've thanked her for not smoking three times and she's still doing it!

I didn't go to university. Didn't even finish A-levels. But I have sympathy for those who did.

I am certain no one sets out to be cruel, but our treatment of the elderly ill seems to have no philosophy to it. As a society, we should establish whether we have a policy of life at any cost.

I would advise budding writers some other kind of job, unless they think they're very, very lucky.

The intelligence of the creature known as a crowd, is the square root of the number of people in it.

He looked up at them, a scruffy Napoleon with his laces trailing, exiled to a rose-trellised Elba.

After a while, another voice said: One, two, three, four- And the universe came into being. It was wrong to call it a big bang. That would just be noise, and all that noise could create is more noise and a cosmos full of random particles. Matter exploded into being, apparently as chaos, but in fact as a chord. The ultimate power chord.