I mean, I wouldn't pay more than a couple of quid to see me, and I'm me.

The most prudent thing any intelligent animal can do, if it would prefer its descendents not to spend a lot of time on a slab with electrodes clamped to their brains or sticking mines on the bottom of ships, or being patronised by zoologists, is to make bloody certain humans don't find out about it.

What have I always believed? That on the whole, and by and large, if a man lived properly, not according to what any priests said, but according to what seemed decent and honest inside, then it would, at the end, more or less, turn out all right.

The thing with crowns is, it isn't the putting them on that's the problem, it's the taking them off.

Sometimes I really think people ought to have to pass a proper exam before they're allowed to be parents. Not just the practical, I mean.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

I'd rather be a rising ape than a falling angel.