- I notice you didn't laugh, Mr. Black! - No, Your Majesty. We are forbidden to laugh at the things kings say, sire, because otherwise we would be at it all day.

Noble dragons don't have friends. The nearest they can get to the idea is an enemy who is still alive.

Anyway, if you stop tellin' people it's all sorted out afer they're dead, they might try sorting it all out while they're alive.

I wrote three books, I had three greenhouses. It seemed to me to be very satisfactory.

Most horses don't walk backwards voluntarily, because what they can't see doesn't exist.

It was Carrot who'd suggested to the Patrician that hardened criminals should be given the chance to 'serve the community' by redecorating the homes of the elderly, lending a new terror to old age and, given Ankh-Morpork's crime rate, leading to at least one old lady having her front room wallpapered so many times in six months that now she could only get in sideways.

Fascism may be good at making the trains run on time, but you wouldn't like some of the destinations.