It was amazing how many friends you could make by being bad at things, provided you were bad enough to be funny.

Well, the traveling teachers do come through every few months," said the Baron. "Yes, sir, I know, sir, and they're useless, sir. They teach facts, not understanding. It's like teaching people about forests by showing them a saw. I want a proper school, sir, to teach reading and writing, and most of all thinking, sir, so people can find what they're good at, because someone doing what they really like is always an asset to any country, and too often people never find out until it's too late.

My advice is this. For Christ's sake, don't write a book that is suitable for a kid of 12 years old, because the kids who read who are 12 years old are reading books for adults. I read all of the James Bond books when I was about 11, which was approximately the right time to read James Bond books.

The wages of sin is death but so is the salary of virtue, and at least the evil get to go home early on Fridays.

I imagine that fish have no word for water.

The IQ of a mob is the IQ of its dumbest member divided by the number of mobsters.

No more words. We know them all, all the words that should not be said. But you have made my world more perfect.