If anyone wants one my advise is to go where the orthodox Jews shop, because when it comes to a big black fedora, the guys with ringlets and long black coats definitely know a stylish hat when they see one. You want to get it home and use a hot steaming kettle, and bob's your uncle - you have a hat with all the right curves!

Lots of ingenuity gets you through times with no money better than money gets you through times of no ingenuity.

All tapes left in a car for more than about a fortnight metamorphose into Best of Queen albums.

You did what you were told or you didn't get paid, and if things went wrong it wasn't your problem. It was the fault of whatever idiot has accepted this message for sending in the first place. No one cared about you, and everyone at headquarters was an idiot. It wasn't your fault, no one listened to you. Headquarters had even started an Employee of the Month scheme to show how much they cared. That was how much they didn't care.

Do you think there’s anything to eat in this forest?” “Yes,” said the wizard bitterly, “us.

As we all know, the Discworld is a flat planet - like a geological pizza, but without the anchovies.

The English were notoriously unenthusiastic about burning witches. I suppose ours were too soggy.