That's what I don't like about magic, it does everything by magic!

Racism was not a problem on the Discworld, because - what with trolls and dwarfs and so on - speciesism was more interesting. Black and white lived in perfect harmony and ganged up on green.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

Banana daiquiris aren't knock-'em-back-by-the-flagon.

When it's time to stop living, I will certainly make Death my number one choice!

...William wondered why he always disliked people who said 'no offense meant.' Maybe it was because they found it easier to to say 'no offense meant' than actually to refrain from giving offense.

The trouble with life was that you didn’t get a chance to practice before doing it for real.