Remember that Cosby show where he harrassed the children? Well I put on a little suit and because I am so small they invited me on but nobody was laughing at my jokes. I guess I'm just, too, particularly smart for them.

If you're bored of the songs, you're bored of the songs. There's not much you can do.

My father beat me with a curtain rod when I was nine, (That was) the inspiration for Creep

Yes I usually make my kids eat their veggie chops and watch my concerts in dead silence. If they ask to watch spongebob squarepants I usually do something volatile like make them eat a yellow sponge with googly eyes on it. I hit them quite a bit, but then again I blame the condom manufacturing government for forcing me to birth them.

If I were a bottle of wine, my name would be Thom Cork

Look at that fat kid, in the audience. You want some pie you little fatty? I strongly dislike fat kids. Security, please remove him, that fat kid, over there, by the pies.

If we replaced all of our guns with chicken sandwiches it would end all war immediately.