Do not tell me what I can and cannot do. I'll be as asian as I want to (Stretches his eyes in a racist manner).

I'm terrible at jigsaw puzzles. Other people solve the puzzle but I just keep trying to make the pieces that don't fit fit. I guess that's what makes me special, I try to assemble jigsaw puzzles incorrectly.

Americans are ugly unwashed clods that live off of government cheese. If I could, I'd take every living American, grind them up into a fine paste and use that paste to feed the dolphins, because they are neglected by the evil Americans.

You can't make an egg without frying an egg

I hate cars. They are so loud, and ugly, and full of toxic exhaust, like radiohead fans.

My father slapped my thighs with a variety of meats until I began to cry and sulked in the corner. I later became a musician

The problem is, I cannot meditate. That's the one thing I can't do. That's the thing that's driving me nuts. I have a house by the sea, and I can sit and listen to the sound of the sea and eventually... but I can't really do it.