I tell you what's really ridiculous--going into a bookstore and there's all these books about yourself. In a way, it feels like you're already dead.

It's God's will that millions of people are gonna die this year because of some outmoded economic policies? No, it's not!

Sometimes we and the members of Coldplay have an orgy together, (Martin) insists we don't invite any women, but I always invite a few. Usually I sing Fake Plastic Trees while he reams me from behind *Laughs* It wears me out *laughs*.

I wanted to live with the ****ing manta rays, but they banned me from Sea World.

Amnesiac was written to make fun of senior citizens with alzheimers. I hate them and I wish they'd die.

There was a clown that tried to eat me as a boy, in my nightmares. Years later I found a clown for booking online who resembled him named Patches. Needless to say, Patches is dead now.

If I was made of chocolate I would melt myself in a car to ruin the interior.