I'm banned from Middlebrook elementary for telling dirty jokes to the janitor. The janitor! He cleans up dirt for a living.

I grew up under Thatcher. I grew up believing that I was fundamentally powerless. Then gradually over the years it occurred to me that this was actually a very convenient myth for the state.

I'm horrified of leprechauns. I'm horrified that I might be leprechauns.

Ironically my brother died in a car accident shortly after Airbag was recorded. He's not an identical twin so I didn't care.

I know I'm 38 but I insist that santa claus exists and he raped my mother when I was 9.

I'm terrible at jigsaw puzzles. Other people solve the puzzle but I just keep trying to make the pieces that don't fit fit. I guess that's what makes me special, I try to assemble jigsaw puzzles incorrectly.

I often steal sandwiches, eat them, and put the container's back., with a signed autograph of my self in its place. It's my way of giving back to society.