I'm banned from Middlebrook elementary for telling dirty jokes to the janitor. The janitor! He cleans up dirt for a living.

We don't have to stand on a soap-box and preach because hopefully we're channelling it through the new record.

I hate cars. They are so loud, and ugly, and full of toxic exhaust, like radiohead fans.

I don't even have children, it's just been an excuse to play jenga and hit softballs in my backyard with a box of laundry detergant wearing baby clothes.

15 Step is about how if you have mental illness and try to dance you look very funny. Whenever you see me dancing on stage, I'm imitating the mentally ill.

Sometimes we and the members of Coldplay have an orgy together, (Martin) insists we don't invite any women, but I always invite a few. Usually I sing Fake Plastic Trees while he reams me from behind *Laughs* It wears me out *laughs*.

It's impossible being me, I radiate a glow that makes others turn and grimace in horror as if staring into the sun.