I'm always going to do whatever I think is funniest. If something's dark, I'll do it. If it's a sock puppet, if it's a stool, I'll do it.

I always wonder, aside from even my name, what if my parents never split up? What if my mother never died? It swirls in my head all the time.

I hold back parts of my life and experiences... I don't want to share anything just for the sake of sharing and exposing myself, but if something feels right and I feel inspired by the situations or moment I'll definitely share it. There are so many stories and experiences I have not shared, and I don't feel compelled to.

When I announced I had cancer on stage, it was my brain leaping to that insane moment of, "There's no way I could start a show saying, 'Hi, I have cancer!'" And also for me to have these scars, and then think, "Oh my gosh, what if I did stand-up and not even acknowledge that my shirt was off, or that I have scars.

I can't believe I'm breathing and happy and thriving.

I think my brain just has a natural way of going to what would be the most insane thing, the least likely option.

The ideal length of time for sex to last is the entire relationship, breaking only for snacks.