I resent my barber when he charges the full cost after he cuts my hair, but he says he's charging me for finding it.

Phyllis Diller came through a mine field of male comedians when she arrived on the comedy scene and she defused them all. She won her place in the Hall of Comedy as the First Lady. I will miss her.

A lot of people like to live on laurels that happened 20 or 30 years ago, but it's nice to get awards. It's nice to be labeled and things like that, but I'm not sure everybody qualifies.

At first I wanted to be a jockey. I rode horses in Cleveland but I kept falling off and I was afraid of horses. So there wasn't much of a future in it.

Why do you do what you do? Why do you dress the way you dress?Why do you do what you do with your time? Why do you watch what you watch on TV or at the movies or on the computer? Do you have God-glorifying reasons for all of it?

People enjoy sitting back knowing they won't hear a lot of four-letter words.

It's hard to be sad when you're laughing, so I enjoy making people happy.