I spend a lot of time thinking of the Hereafter - each time I enter a room I wonder what I'm here after.

I like to work a lot with wood. I make furniture that falls apart. I also sew.

Fortunately my wife is understanding. When I come home from the races she never asks any questions, if I tell her I just ate a $380 hot dog.

I resent my barber when he charges the full cost after he cuts my hair, but he says he's charging me for finding it.

I figure you're only here for a matter of moments. Ever since I was a kid watching movies I've always wanted to make people laugh or have some sort of emotional reaction.

Phyllis Diller came through a mine field of male comedians when she arrived on the comedy scene and she defused them all. She won her place in the Hall of Comedy as the First Lady. I will miss her.

I've never really taken anything very seriously. I enjoy life because I enjoy making other people enjoy it.