It has been said that to write is to live forever. The man who said that is dead.

You have to try your hardest to be at the top of your game and improve every joke you can until the last possible second, and then you have to let it go.

In my experience, the hardest thing about having someone "come out" to you is the "pretending to be surprised" part.

Boyhood proves that there's still good roles for women over 40, as long as you get hired when you're under 40.

A Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby's temperature. Plus, it really teaches the baby who's boss.

This requires a level of delusion/egomania usually reserved for popes and drag queens

Everybody kind of gets to be the person they didn't get to be.