I'm still technically employed by the National Broadcasting Company.

I think people fetishize glasses in general. You could put glasses on a rotting pumpkin and people would think it was sexy.

A recent study announced that 52 per cent of all teens who sign virginity pledges recant them within twelve months. If I'm on my game.

You don't just decide to destroy a person by making up stuff, and no one at 'SNL' is writing to go after someone.

I still want Oprah to play my best friend. I want to spend time with Oprah.

Then she took out a speculum the size of a milk shake machine. Even Michelle Duggar would have flinched at this thing, but I had never seen one before.

You all watched a sketch about feminism and you didn't even know it because of all the jokes. It's like when Jessica Seinfeld puts spinach in kids' brownies. Suckers!