We're gonna promote freedom. Usher in democratic values and ideals. And fight terror-loving terrorists.

A wise friend once told me, 'Don't wear what fashion designers tell you to wear. Wear what they wear.'

I felt like that character in Flowers for Algernon. Not Charlie, the lady teacher from the college who realizes, 'I've got to stop dry-humping this mentally challenged guy!

Why are my arms so weak? It's like I did that push-up last year for nothing!

I have to say, I'm really not that attractive. Until I met my husband, I could not get a date.

I work, and then whenever I have any other time, I'm with my daughter, and then I go to sleep. I think you basically have to abandon the dreams of having any other adult activities in your life. You have to go to sleep whenever your child goes to sleep. That's basically how we're doing it.

Researches reported that they developed a self-healing plastic that repairs itself if cracked. The plastic will change the way airplanes are built and medicine is practiced. In a related story, Joan Rivers will never die.