I don't feel I'm even worthy of a normal amount of value.

I was probably just trying to be Dennis Miller, but without the vocabulary to actually be Dennis Miller. I guess I was just less interesting than I am now, if I am interesting at all

I don't really know much about pirates, or pirate culture. I'd be a contrarian pirate.

I do not like sports, unless you consider treating all humankind with love and respect a sport.

I am the the type to have a personal experience with a celebrity, but I'm too classy to bring that up.

I mean, I guess I started during the comedy boom, so it was literally like, on Sunday you could decide you wanted to be a comic, and on Monday, you could be on stage

I have a podiatrist appointment at 2.