At any given time, ninety-nine-point-nine-five per cent of the human race are a confounded nuisance

Telling lies is a bit like tiling bathrooms - if you don't know how to do it properly, it's best not to try.

There’s nothing bad about reincarnation per se, it’s basically a very good system, cost-effective and ecologically friendly.

At any given time, ninety-nine-point-nine-five per cent of the human race are a confounded nuisance

New technology is useful, but it's inefficient and ugly; it knows it'll be obsolete by lunchtime tomorrow, so it has no incentive to be anything else

Lawyers are predators in grey worsted

Poetry is one of the few nasty childhood habits I've managed to grow out of