After all, what else is scientific enquiry of any sort other than a controlled version of banging one's head against the universe until something gives?
Tom HoltAmong the gods, there is a dispute as to which one of them originally thought of Christianity; or, as they call it, the Great Leg Pull. Apollo has the best claim, but a sizeable minority support Pluto, ex-God of the Dead, on the grounds that he has a really sick sense of humour. How would it be, suggested the unidentified god, if first we tell them all to love their neighbour, pack in the killing and thieving, and be nice to each other. Then we let them start burning heretics.
Tom HoltThere’s nothing bad about reincarnation per se, it’s basically a very good system, cost-effective and ecologically friendly.
Tom HoltAt any given time, ninety-nine-point-nine-five per cent of the human race are a confounded nuisance
Tom HoltNot only had he lost the only girl he'd ever loved, he'd lost her in duplicate, like some heartbroken but highly efficient civil servant.
Tom HoltLove is an optical illusion that makes you believe the object of your affection is the most beautiful person in the world.
Tom HoltThere's all sorts of things I was always meaning to get around to - learning to play the flute, calculating the square root of nought, going mad - but I just didn't have the time.
Tom HoltEverything is out there if you know how to find it, and have the patience. I don't and haven't, but that's my problem
Tom HoltMostly I sit at home in the evenings watching the box and hoping that one day I'll evolve into plankton.
Tom HoltThere is that within a man that drives him ever onwards, just as the power of the seasons drives the roots of flowers into the hard earth; and so he decided, against his better judgment, to open his eyes and find out what was going to happen to him next.
Tom HoltNew technology is useful, but it's inefficient and ugly; it knows it'll be obsolete by lunchtime tomorrow, so it has no incentive to be anything else
Tom HoltIt was irritating to have one's physical shortcomings pointed out quite so plainly twice in one evening, once by a beautiful girl and once by a dying badger.
Tom HoltTelling lies is a bit like tiling bathrooms - if you don't know how to do it properly, it's best not to try.
Tom HoltGenies rarely have nightmares, for the same reason that elephants don't usually worry about being trampled underfoot. With the possible exception of bottles, there's nothing in the cosmos large enough or malicious enough to frighten them, or stupid enough to try.
Tom HoltHuman beings can get used to virtually anything, given plenty of time and no choice in the matter whatsoever.
Tom Holt