Always predict the worst, and you'll be hailed as a prophet.

Oh, the Protestants hate the Catholics/ And the Catholics hate the Protestants/ And the Hindus hate the Muslims/ And everybody hates the Jews.

For there is surely nothing more beautiful in this world than the sight of a lone man facing single-handedly a half a ton of angry pot roast!

You can raise welts like nobody else, as we dance to the Masochism Tango.

Some of you may have met mathematicians and wondered how they got that way.

I have always found it interesting... that there are people who regard copyright infringement as a form of flattery.

My last public performance for money was in 1967. For free, it was 1972, with the exception of two little one-shot, one-song things. But that's just for friends, out of friendship for the people involved, and also because it was fun.