To me, being funny is more important than making a point, but I don't know. Most politicians are so interested in making points that they don't ... I'd rather be funny myself, and I'd rather listen to somebody with a little sense of humor.

Oh, the Protestants hate the Catholics/ And the Catholics hate the Protestants/ And the Hindus hate the Muslims/ And everybody hates the Jews.

Once all the Germans were warlike and mean But that couldn't happen again We taught them a lesson in nineteen eighteen And they've hardly bothered us since then

Once the rockets are up, who cares where they come down ? That's not my department.

Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!

On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.