bringing up children was]like living with a bunch of drunks...you really have to be on your toes all the time.

Come down off the cross, we could use the wood.

The average person spends two weeks over their lifetime waiting for the traffic light to change.

There's a place down the street; Seven Xs. What does that mean? Maybe it's... girls without skin.

George Burns was a Vaudeville performer I particularly loved.

You know what I really love? The CD players in a car. How when you put the CD right up by the slot, it actually takes it out of your hand, like it's hungry. It pulls it in, and you feel like it wants more silver discs.

I’ve never met anyone who made it with a chick because they owned a Tom Waits album. I’ve got all three, and it’s never helped me.