I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.

The big print giveth and the small print taketh away.

I like Thelonious Monk, he's so gnarled, he's like a piece of machinery that's pulled up the bolts on the floor and gone off on its own.

I know a girl, she been married so many times, she got rice marks all over her face

I admit that I ain't no angel, I admit that I ain't no saint - I'm selfish and I'm cruel and I'm blind. If I exorcise my devils, well my angels may leave too. When they leave they're so hard to find.

I’ve never met anyone who made it with a chick because they owned a Tom Waits album. I’ve got all three, and it’s never helped me.

Well I got a bad liver and broken heart, yeah,I drunk me a river since you tore me apart