Baseball is played by all countries now, and softball, too.

You can have the best team in baseball, and if nobody goes through the turnstiles, you've got to shut the doors down.

When you say you're a padre, people ask when did you become a parent. When you say you're a cardinal, they tell you to work hard because the next step is pope. But when you say you're a Dodger, everybody knows you're in the Major Leagues.

A second-guesser is one who doesn't know anything about the first guess, and he's one who needs 2 guesses to get one right.

I walk into the clubhouse today and it's like walking into the Mayo Clinic. We have four doctors, three therapists and five trainers. Back when I broke in, we had one trainer who carried a bottle of rubbing alcohol, and by the 7th inning he'd already drunk it.

I love doubleheaders. That way I get to keep my uniform on longer.

When we lose, I eat. When we win, I eat. I also eat when we're rained out.