Young stand-ups, we ought to do comedy in George Carlin's spirit, in Richard Pryor's spirit, in Jackie Gleason's spirit, in Lucille Ball's spirit, because they did it with the spirit.

I'm around my kids every day. I'm regular. We're a regular family. My wife cooks, she washes clothes, I read books, I pump my own gas, I get my own hair cut.

They say when opportunity knocks you should let it in and invite it to sit at your table. F*** that -- when opportunity knocks, you should take it captive. Beat that s*** down. I've got opportunity tied to a chair in my basement with a ball gag in its mouth. Opportunity ain't even thinking about leaving my house. If you keep quiet for a second, you'll hear it whining.

I'm not focused on the outrageousness. I'm just focused on being funny, and raising my kids. I don't even read the newspaper, I don't read that crap.

I touch on sex in my stand-up and it's funny, because when I talk about sex from an adult point of view, people cringe. But if I talk about war or killing, people laugh. So it's sick. It's really demented.

It's just, people recognize you for your work, you know? They love you for your work, and they judge you for your work. It's awesome to have people quoting you. I love it.

The truth is, I've never thought of myself as the Michael Jordan of comedy. And that's a good thing. You know why? Because I'm not. Wasn't that Richard Pryor? Yes, it was. I know what I am: I'm funny!