Stand-up don't get no respect - it's the hardest thing to do in show business. You don't have no band and there's no music.

I love Ice Cube and Charlie Day. They're brilliant men, great actors and very funny people.

I can't watch American Idol... it's like karaoke without the booze.

When I'm in the mood to listen to music, I do like to go to the SkyBar [ L.A.].

I give [Barack Obama] a 10 [on a scale of 1 to 10] because he's not God, and he inherited a couple of wars, and a financial mess.I want to see him curse somebody out on TV. You can't finesse a bull. He's gotta throw down. He's in the shark tank.

I'm not a hateful person and don't condone any kind of violence against others.

They say when opportunity knocks you should let it in and invite it to sit at your table. F*** that -- when opportunity knocks, you should take it captive. Beat that s*** down. I've got opportunity tied to a chair in my basement with a ball gag in its mouth. Opportunity ain't even thinking about leaving my house. If you keep quiet for a second, you'll hear it whining.