Because only in America, people trample others for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.

Every son quotes his father, in words and in deeds.

If the numbers we see in domestic violence were applied to terrorism or gang violence, the entire country would be up in arms, and it would be the lead story on the news every night.

Nearly half of the American population is eagerly anticipating the end of the world. This dewy-eyed nihilism provides absolutely no incentive to build a sustainable civilization. Many of these people are lunatics, but they are not the lunatic fringe.

Well, pull up an ice block and lend an ear. Now you know how Santa uses these flying reindeer to pull his sleigh.

Why did the reindeer wear black boots? Because his brown ones were all muddy!

I consider it the highest compliment when my employees go out and start their own companies in competition with me. I always send them a plant to wish them well. Of course, it's a cactus.