Sometimes me think, 'What is friend?' Then me say, ‘Friend is someone to share the last cookie with.’

I've had a hard life, but my hardships are nothing against the hardships that my father went through in order to get me to where I started.

Make sure the clothes you buy on Black Friday take into account how fat you got on Thanksgiving.

Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

Women should not be enlightened or educated in any way. They should, in fact, be segregated as they are the cause of hideous and involuntary erections in holy men.

We didn't realize we were making memories we just knew we were having fun.