How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.

Good, Better, Best. Never let it rest. Until your Good is Better, and your Better is your Best.

A friend should be one in whose understanding and virtue we can equally confide, and whose opinion we can value at once for its justness and its sincerity.

His primary rules were: never allow the public to cool off; never admit a fault or wrong; never concede that there may be some good in your enemy; never leave room for alternatives; never accept blame; concentrate on one enemy at a time and blame him for everything that goes wrong; people will believe a big lie sooner than a little one; and if you repeat it frequently enough people will sooner or later believe it.

Man, I hate waking up with a dead hooker.

If I could lick the sunset, I'll bet it would taste like Neapolitan ice cream.

You don't have to be crazy to be my friend. I'll train you.