There’s a benefit to losing, you get to learn from your mistakes.

I put my pants on just like the rest of you - one leg at a time. Except, once my pants are on, I make gold records.

I've not been able to avoid periods of time where I felt super-lonely. Luckily, I have a side that is able to always see the glass as half-full.

I want to thank Jesus, and by Jesus I mean Jesus Hernandez, my bodyguard

You did it! Congratulations! World's best cup of coffee! Great job, everybody! It's great to be here.

One of the challenges you will face is finding a job in our depressed economy, ... In fact, the chances of finding a job are about as good as finding weapons of mass destruction in the Iraqi desert -- slim and none, and slim just left the building.

You want every movie to be a hit. But every painting isn’t a masterpiece.