Nature is not silent, and never was a name more derisively inappropriate than when we speak of these non-human creatures who hoot and crow and bray as the dumb animals.

[On golf:] One of the most distressing defects of civilization.

I advise nobody to drown sorrow in cocoa. It is bad for the figure and it does not alleviate the sorrow.

Youth knows no remedy for grief but death.

the ruder lecturers are, and the louder their voices, the more converts they make to their opinions.

It's the things you don't do, not the things you do, you feel most sorry for.

Progress? It ought to be stopped, that's what I say. If the Lord meant chickens to come out of incubators he'd never have made hens, it stands to reason.