If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse.

What is so fascinating about sitting around watching a bunch of pituitary cases stuff a ball through a hoop?

My parents were very Old World. They come from Brooklyn, which is the heart of the Old World. Their values in life are God and carpeting.

Even if God exists, he's done such a terrible job, it's a wonder people don't get together and file a class action suit against him.

The only love that lasts is unrequited love.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.