You can't ride two horses with one behind.

"Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.

I asked the girl if she could bring a sister for me. She did. Sister Maria Teresa. It was a very slow evening. We discussed the New Testament. We agreed that He was very well adjusted for an only child.

I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.

Some people want to achieve immortality through their works or their descendants. I prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.

My parents stayed together for forty years. But that was out of spite.

What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause!