What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause!

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

In short, the best thing to do is behave in a manner befitting one's age. If you are sixteen or under, try not to go bald.

Not think of death as an end, but think of it more as a very effective way of cutting down on your expenses.

I don't know what I'm doing, but my incompetence has never stopped my enthusiasm.

Some of the best memories of my childhood that I have are the times that I played hooky from school so I could spend my days in the public library reading all the wonderful books at my disposal.

My grammy never gave gifts, you know. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.