The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

I love baseball. You know, it doesn’t have to mean anything. It’s just very beautiful to watch.

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful; provided you get between the right man and the right woman.

Nothing worth knowing can be understood with the mind.

My wife is immature. Whenever I take a bath, she sinks my boats.

I don't believe in an afterlife, but I'm taking an extra pair of underwear just in case.

He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.