People everywhere confuse what they read in newspapers with news.

Last week, I had to offer my publisher a bottle that was far too good for him simply because there was nothing between the insulting and the superlative.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

The country's present supply of foreign news depends largely on how best a number of dry goods merchants in New York think they can sell underwear.

I had an attack of the gout two days before pulling out, and I went limping off to the war instead of coming limping back from it.

No ascetic can be considered reliably sane.

An Englishman teaching an American about food is like the blind leading the one-eyed.