I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.

Plant trees. They give us two of the most crucial elements for our survival: oxygen and books.

There are a billion people in China. It's not easy to be an individual in a crowd of more than a billion people. Think of it. More than a billion people. That means even if you're a one-in-a-million type of guy, there are still a thousand guys exactly like you.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

I am as frustrated with society as a pyromaniac in a petrified forest.

Any good history book is mainly just a long list of mistakes, complete with names and dates. It's very embarrassing.