I don't know whether you have any rights before you're born. All I know is that being born again doesn't entitle you to twice as many.

There's a lot we should be able to learn from history. And yet history proves that we never do. In fact, the main lesson of history is that we never learn the lessons of history. This makes us look so stupid that few people care to read it. They'd rather not be reminded. Any good history book is mainly just a long list of mistakes, complete with names and dates. It's very embarrassing.

I never joined, but I used to go to church now and then. I liked it, because they always passed out plates of money at the end.

Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.

Saint George killed the last dragon, and he was called a hero for it. I've never seen a dragon, and I wish he would have left at least one. Saint Patrick made a name for himself by running the snakes out of Ireland, leaving the place vulnerable to rodent infestation. This business of making saints out of men who exterminate their fellow creatures has got to stop. All I'm saying is, it's starting to get a little lonely up here at the top of the food chain.

I'm not an athiest. How can you not believe in something that doesn't exist? That's way too convoluted for me.

I don't know whether you have any rights before you're born. All I know is that being born again doesn't entitle you to twice as many.