I don't know whether you have any rights before you're born. All I know is that being born again doesn't entitle you to twice as many.

The past actually happened. History is what someone took the time to write down.

I am as frustrated with society as a pyromaniac in a petrified forest.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

The Baptists' basic theology is that if you hold someone under water long enough, he'll come around to your way of thinking. It's a ritual known as 'Bobbing for Baptists.'

You know, you look at the chaos in the conservative camp right now, it's only too tempting to blame it all on pot. But in fact, the Reagan revolution owes a lot to Reefer. For one thing, it's made the symptoms of senility socially acceptable.

I think it's time to stop carping on the blunders of the President and give him some credit for creativity. I mean, where do you even FIND a Jewish hard-line conservative Republican pot-smoker? Sounds like an Oprah Winfrey guest.