Late to bed and late to wake will keep you long on money and short on mistakes.

I think people were a little bit too concerned about what I would or would not be allowed to say. So let me just get that out of the way and get on to the business of telling, you know, a story, or two, or three, or 15. And also to say, "Okay, look. Here it is, don't worry about it. The restrictions and the watered-down and all the stuff that you thought was gonna happen really isn't the case." So we done got that out the way, and now we can just kind of move on.

I have to remind myself - I think the population of the United States has been subjected to the most sophisticated form of propaganda and mind control that any group of people has been exposed to in a very, very long time. It's difficult for people in this country to get any kind of factual information and to make intelligent decisions based on them.

We have to confront the very scary fact that the president is a moron. He's really dumb.

You know, every time a summer movie comes out, people think they're gonna get rich off of the merchandise.

I don't think the American government has a lot of respect for culture.

Obviously, there's a million things we're allowed to say on late-night cable that you're not allowed to say on a prime time broadcast.