Late to bed and late to wake will keep you long on money and short on mistakes.

I guess I was a conspiracy theorist when I said "no weapons in Iraq." Now they call that history.

I think, being a public figure - which, I have to admit, I guess I'm largely responsible for, in terms of going out and putting myself out there - comes with its own burdens, and its own things that cause you stress, and its own worries.

Obviously, there's a million things we're allowed to say on late-night cable that you're not allowed to say on a prime time broadcast.

Don't get me wrong, it definitely ain't the Democratic Party either. They're so bad, I mean I'm actually starting to believe that John Kerry was just token resistance, that he literally was down with George W.Bush. It was just such a horrible, horrible, horrible thing to see, that campaign. So, you know, I don't know what's going on.

I'm actually kind of angriest about the fact that everybody keeps saying how angry I am.

I really get a little bit confused by all this "angry angry angry" talk when all I do is tell jokes and at least some people find it funny.